🌿 A Quick Note
The holidays make everything harder, including managing aging parents' care from a distance. If you're coordinating appointments, tracking medications, and worrying about what you can't see, this one's for you.
💚 This Week’s Spotlight
Five practical strategies when you're helping from a distance
These strategies are for parents who still live independently - whether that's down the street or across the country. The main challenge is managing care you can't always see.
1. Keep One Master Health Summary
When medical information is scattered across portals, paper files, and memory, emergencies get harder and appointments take longer.
What works: One document (Google Doc, spreadsheet, or binder) with:
Current medications and dosages
Active diagnoses
Recent hospitalizations or procedures
All providers with contact info
Emergency contacts (including a nearby neighbor or friend)
Update it after appointments or medication changes. Share it with siblings. Print a copy and leave it somewhere obvious in your parent's home in case of an emergency.
Local note: Many Westchester hospitals have patient portals families can share, but they only show visits within that system, not the full picture.
I'm piloting a service to help organize medical records into a usable system like this. If you're drowning in paperwork, reply and let me know what you're dealing with.
2. Join a Caregiver Support Group
Caregiver burnout is real. Research shows caregivers have higher rates of depression and anxiety, especially without support.[1]
Support groups give you two things friends can't always provide:
People who get it without explanation
Information about resources you didn't know existed
Local options:
Alzheimer's Association Hudson Valley Chapter
Free support groups for dementia caregivers
Multiple Westchester locations (Mount Kisco, Sleepy Hollow, Hawthorne, Tuckahoe)
Virtual and in-person options
24/7 helpline: (800) 272-3900
Website: alz.org/hudsonvalley
Westchester Jewish Community Services (WJCS)
Senior programs and caregiver support
Phone: (914) 761-0600
Website: wjcs.com/services/seniors
Westchester County Family Caregiver Support Program
Free caregiver consultations and educational programs
Support groups throughout the county
Programs for grandparents raising grandchildren and older driver concerns
Phone: (914) 813-6441
Call ahead to verify current schedules and registration requirements
3. Coordinate With Siblings
When a parent needs care, someone usually ends up handling medical appointments, someone else manages finances, someone researches options. These roles often emerge without ever being discussed out loud.
What helps:
Name the roles: "I've been handling medical stuff and you've been doing finances - does that still work?"
Weekly updates: One group call or email keeps everyone on the same page and cuts down on repetitive conversations
Write down decisions: Stress affects memory. Document what you agreed on.
Reality check: The goal isn't equal division of tasks. It's honest conversation about what each person can actually handle right now. Some families do this easily. Others need help from a therapist or geriatric care manager to facilitate. Both are fine.
4. Know When to Call the Doctor
When you can't see your parent, you're relying on phone conversations to gauge how they're doing. Most doctor's offices have nurse triage lines specifically for families trying to figure out if something needs attention now or can wait.
Questions the nurse will typically ask:
What symptoms are you noticing?
When did they start?
Has anything changed in the last 24 hours?
Are they able to eat, drink, and take medications?
Do they seem like themselves mentally?
Your doctor's office can help you determine urgency. Don't hesitate to call, that's what the nurse line is for.
If your parent has any of these, call 911:
Chest pain or trouble breathing
Signs of stroke (face drooping, arm weakness, slurred speech)
Severe injury from a fall
New or sudden confusion
When in doubt, trust your instinct. You know your parent's baseline better than anyone.[2]
5. Accept "Good Enough"
You can't monitor everything from a distance, and that's okay. Accepting 'good enough' isn't giving up, it's being realistic about what's actually possible.
'Good enough' looks like:
Medications mostly organized
You know who to call for common problems
Your parent is reasonably safe and comfortable
You have a weekly check-in system
You call the doctor when worried, even if it turns out to be nothing
Some things slip through, and that doesn't mean you're failing
When to consider more support: If you're constantly anxious, if falls are happening frequently, if medication management from a distance has become impossible - the current setup may not be working. Consider what needs to change: more frequent visits, hiring help, different living arrangements, or involving a geriatric care manager to assess options.
🧭 What to Know Before You Go
If you're considering hiring help, here are questions worth asking:
For Geriatric Care Managers:
Are you certified through the Aging Life Care Association?
What's included in your monthly fee?
How do you communicate with out-of-state family?
Can you do in-person check-ins at my parent's home?
For Home Health Agencies:
Are your aides certified and background-checked?
Can we request the same aide consistently?
What does Medicare typically cover?[3]
How do you communicate with family about daily visits?
For Medical Alert Systems:
Does it work if they fall and can't reach the button?
How fast is the response time?
Are family members automatically notified?
Local resource: Westchester County Department of Senior Programs & Services Phone: (914) 813-6300 Website: seniorcitizens.westchestergov.com
SOURCES
[1] Schulz, R., & Beach, S. R. (1999). Caregiving as a risk factor for mortality: the Caregiver Health Effects Study. JAMA, 282(23), 2215-2219.
[2] General guidance based on standard nurse triage protocols. Always contact your parent's healthcare provider with specific medical concerns.
[3] Medicare.gov has detailed information about home health coverage.
💬 Your Turn
What's helped you manage caregiving from a distance? Hit reply, I'd love to hear what's working.
Have something more detailed to share?
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Till next time,
Margaret
